Fertile Mertile...

Babies babies and more babies. Everyone I know is pregnant...yaaaayy for blessings, yay for life. It always seems to go like this, in a cycle. A few months back everyone I knew was on their second child. This months trend seems to be back to first time moms. It's all good.

I wanted to talk about how hard it is to be a single parent. You know, a wise woman once said..if you are planning on having a child, then be prepared to care for him/her, even if it means doing it alone...and that also includes not having to rely on child support or help from your baby daddy. Things rings so true. Yall do not understand how hard it is to raise another being, to teach a child, and to be a positive example for your child, when you are doing it all alone...when you have no opportunity to take a break for yourself..when you have no opportunity to turn to someone (ideally it would be your partner) and discuss parenting advice. Hell, I can't even run in to the store right quick without making sure I have Mikel's binky, strapping him into the car seat, then getting him out, distracting him from grabbing stuff off the aisles, keeping him happy so he doesn't whine about nothing...all that. A simple trip to get some bodywash turns into a half hour ordeal (not always and yes this is exaggerated, but you get the point). You all don't understand that when my son gets sick with diarrhea or a fever and can't go to school that I don't have a back up plan and I have to take off work just to care for him. No work=no money. You try explaining to your boss that you need to miss almost 10 days of work because your son is on an antibiotic for an ear infection that gives him severe diarrhea (which is very normal, by the way) and you are a single parent and have no one to watch him. Of course, things work out..they always do..but it is soooooooooo hard and takes a lot of planning, confidence, and most importantly...PRAYER.

For those that know me..you know I am one tough cookie. I definitely have softened up since having Mikel, but I also have been forced to remain strong and maintain a 'go getter' mentality. I don't have time to feel sorry for myself. I don't have time to vent because by the time that first tear is rolling down my cheek, I hear Mikel screaming "Mama" cuz his cracker fell on the floor ;-)
More importantly, I don't like to sit and feel sorry for myself because all it does is remind me of how I got in this position in the first place. Nobody wants to stop and reflect on their fucked up relationship that failed for X,Y,Z reason and the fact that someone decided to be crazy instead of all they claimed to be. I can't sit and feel sorry for myself because all it does is remind me that some people have no sense of responsibility because they make babies and don't even have the desire to be a parent. On a personal note, I find it soooooo ridiculous and shocking that some people can actually bring a child into this world and do absolutely nothing. I see this in my personal life, with my clients, etc..and it surprises me every time.

Do I wish I had more time for myself...of course. July 28, 2007 was the last day I actually slept..between nerves on how I was going to tell my family I was pregnant, being pregnant and big as a mansion, dealing with a newborn ALONE, trying to finish grad school, trying to find a job, starting a new job, dealing with my mom being sick, dealing with a toddler ALONE, etc...sleep just hasn't been the same. People are capable of doing anything they put their mind to. But if you don't have to be put in this situation..please don't do it. And don't get me wrong...not all single parents have it the way I do. I swear my line sister lives the fabulous life and I couldn't be more proud of her (I see you, back!). But not for nothing, she is not the norm. Her world may have its own flaws and I can only speak for myself...WEAR YOUR CONDOMS...TAKE YOUR BIRTH CONTROL...AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE DOING. IF YOU THINK YOU ARE READY, WAIT 6 MORE MONTHS...SPERM AND EGGS AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE (well, not for a while at least)

Fertile mertiles are OUT. What is IN is planned pregnancies amongst married individuals who are fully aware of the committment they are making. Your lives are your lives and ultimately you can do as you please. I just hope that my experience and perspective can provide a realistic insight to the 'joys' of being a parent.

Oh..I just thought I would add some statisitcs:

I know 21 individuals who have had babies (or is currently preg) in the past two years.
-5 were married at the time of pregnancy, 2 got married because of pregnancy, and 3 plan on getting married
-2 got pregnant with their second child within 8 months of the first
-
14 were classified as single and were in committed relationships with their 'baby daddies'
- Out of these 14, FOUR are no longer with their baby daddies
- 2 is 'off and on' with her man
- 1 has remained with her baby daddy and they moved to another state to pursue their family/life together
-1 is long distance from her man
- 6 it is too soon to tell because they are still pregnant, just had the baby, or change their minds every week on whether they are going to be with their men or not
-the other 2 got married while preg (see above)

Okay that just got super confusing because I realized as I am writing out my stats that many of these ladies fall under more than one category..(Ie, one that is planning on getting married is also one that changes her mind every M,W,F and one that is 'off and on' just had her baby). Womp! You get the picture!