Growing apart..

So I have been feeling like this for a while now. In fact, I think I have always felt this way due to my upbringing. See, I have a hard time with friends growing apart from one another. I have been forced to deal with this time and time again because being a military brat has forced me to move to a new location every 3-5 years or so. I always adjusted and never thought twice about it, because that was just the way life was for me. Fast forward to college where I am able to live comfortably for five years. I encounter many individuals, some associates and some I believe (or thought) to be lifelong friends. I was blessed with the opportunity to join an amazing sisterhood that stands for everything I believe. There was a time in 2005 when I believed that I had found a lifelong support system....something I had never really had before. Nowadays, I do not feel the same. Whenever I fill out those surveys on Myspace and the "Who is your best friend?" question comes up...I can honestly never really think of a specific individual. Don't get me wrong, I have friends from Oki that I still talk to that I am close to, I have lovely line sisters and prophytes, and I have close friends from college, but I do not have a true best friend. Stop, rewind, I do have a best friend...my man, of course. But is that not the obvious? Is that not a given? Wouldn't your best friend be the one you share everything with, the first one you think to call, the one that 'gets' you the most...well it's him and I am thankful for that. I don't think I have ever even told him that...so here is goes...Mark, you are my best friend. Thank you. I love you.

But what really does this mean? How do I really feel about this? Quite frankly, I am disappointed to know that as each day, week, month, year passes, I am growing farther and farther apart from those that I once viewed as 'best friends', the closest of close. Don't get me wrong, a friendship can only flourish if both parties give a little. I have been guilty of not returning phone calls...yes, very much guilty. But I think it is pretty wack when a person comes to town, doesn't even call me to meet up for two days while they are here, and then expects me to drop everything to come hang last minute (ie, babysitter anyone?). I also think it is wack when I travel to another city to visit my 'friends' and people want to act like it's a big inconvenience to have to meet up with me. I think it is wack that I have friends that live barely 20 minutes from me that I never see or talk to. Maybe I am being overly sensitive...oh well...I still think it is fucked up. I think it is fucked up when I have people that I am not really close to calling me, texting me, hitting me up on Facebook...asking how I am doing, etc...but then I have those that are supposed to be 'my girls' that I haven't spoken to in months. Yes I am fine, yes Mikel is great...thanks for not asking. ::sarcasm::

The point is, people change, times change, people grow apart...I get it. I also understand that people have shit going on with their lives..boyfriends...jobs...family...etc. But it is still hurtful to feel so alone. Maybe I need to do a better job of communicating myself. What is stopping me from picking up the phone? I cannot blame it all on everyone else...but I am not going to go out of my way when it just seems so pointless at times. I tell people, hit me up when you have free time...no call. I tell people, lets go for drinks...sure I will call you...and guess what, nothing. Not a damn thing. Life is too short to waste time. Friends and family can be taken at any moment. I wish we all spent time with one another and took advantage of our limited moments. As I am writing this, I find myself getting angry...angry at these individuals...and angry at the truth. Maybe we weren't so close after all.

Peace

Oh. I thought I would come back and edit this.to add a very important point. If you thought I was referring to you when you were reading this...then I probably was. I still love you all...just feeling a bit hurt.