Weighty Issues

As I sit here listening to my 9.5 month old jump and scream in his jumperoo I look down and see my stomach pooch sticking out decorated with my slightly faded stretch marks. You know, any other time I would be disgusted with the way I look and feel. I have always have body image issues and never really accepted my curvy figure for the glory that it was. Now after having a kid I have a new found sense of what it means to be beautiful. I cannot lie, during puberty I got stretch marks all over my legs and ass and was just disgusted with myself. Boy, I wish I really embraced my shape at the time because I had no clue what was to come!

When I would go in for my monthly prenatal appointment at my OBGYN I would feel so gross and ashamed at my climbing weight that I would make my own boyfriend leave the room during the weigh in. In fact, he never knew how much I weighed when I gave birth up until a few weeks ago when I finally told him. He has always done a great job of explaining how perfect he thinks I am, fat or not. Of course I never believed him because all men want a tight stomach, big tits, and firm ass....and honestly I didn't have any of that (well...maybe some bigger breasts) at the time and just couldn't imagine why or how anybody would want me (physically, that is).

See...we all have a tendency to be our biggest critic and find flaws within ourselves that quite frankly, do not exist. Since April 10, 2008 I have lost 47 pounds (I gained 40 when I was pregnant) and of course I am still not satisfied. No matter how much weight I lose, my hips will always be someting serious and my stomach will always be soft. My stretch marks will fade but they will always be there. I cannot complain about my lovely C cups I have received though (lol).

As women, as humans, are we ever truly satisfied with anything? The point is, things are possible with hard work and determination and no amount of whining or feeling sorry for myself helped me drop damn near 50 pounds. I still have a personal goal to reach but I have realized it is about being healthy for myself and for my son's future. I told myself that I can no longer be selfish about how I look. Yes, my body is my temple, but God created me to bear children (amongst other things) and I now wear my 'battle wounds' proudly. So no, I don't have the body that some of my sorors have after baby (which I know they probably have their own issues with how they look, despite my opinion that they look absolutely fabulous), but I have the body of a woman...the body of a mother..the body of a godess.

There are a few websites that have helped me with this journey. For fun reading or if you know of someone who is struggling with post baby body image issues or just body image issues period feel free to point them towards these links:

http://theshapeofamother.com/

http://www.babycenter.com/bigstory-post-partum-body-image?intcmp=Nav_HP_Hero1&pn=BC%20Homepage

peace